Church shopping

Having finally left our previous church for all of our spiritual lives, we are now in the process of hunting/shopping/searching for a new one. What a task before us!

We have visited two churches now and are pretty impressed by both. This one last weekend was a church around 15 miles away in another town, and if we lived closer I am certain we would involve ourselves there. What an incredible service! I have never been in a church where I felt so comfortable around everyone, the whole atmosphere was casual and the mood/spirit of the people was obvious... but that was just one Sunday observation. We have friends on the 'inside' who have given us the scoop, so it is hard to tell by one observation what the whole make up of the church is.

The other church I had a great experience at, which I shared previously with a song. And I don't necessarily like to rely on my emotions because at times they can be misleading. But I honestly felt God impressing/speaking to me - specifically through a song. Pretty impacting. We will be going back this weekend.

It is just about weird to think of 'shopping' for a church, being such a new experience, but it is pretty neat knowing that there are other churches that God is working through. Being in one church all of your spiritual life, you tend to get a little self focused without knowing it.

Another revelation is the recognition of not being involved in a church. Having been so involved in a church, to a point that it was my career at one time, is awkward. There is a piece of me that wants to find recognition in my position as a former pastor, to the point that sometimes I find myself wanting to drop little hints of being a pastor, just to gain recognition - as if I want them to say, "wow really, you should help here!"

But I know that right now, I need to be fed, to be attended to spiritually. I need to be re-parented in many ways still. Mostly that comes to mind is my discipling of my family. I have now had several weeks of no responsibility, but what am I doing with my freed up time? Not spending it to pastor my families souls. This must change! I have a plan, but am not working it.

At times I feel like I am not worthy enough to do this, where other times I feel like I am more than worthy enough to be leading in a church. Foolish are these mixed up priorities of mine. I think part of my problem is that I am like those athletes who many years ago dropped the potential game winning play and live their past over and over saying things like "If only . . .". I need to stop living in the past and recognize that I must surrender any notion of living in a role of pastor again. Only if God shoves it in my face will accept that role. God help me. I certainly now I am definitely not worthy enough, especially if I can't even pastor my own family.