Hypocrite

Hypocrite ... those are one of those words that no one wants to hear about themselves. But when I say it (in response to a recent message at church) I have to say, regretfully, I feel that way.
If I were to look back over the past month or so, I don't see myself spending a ton of time with Jesus - personally. My day, as most others do, goes like this:
wake up

get ready

check e-mail

work (which is pretty much checking and responding to e-mail!)

home for event of some sort

stay up late

check e-mail

go to bed

get up early

Though it seems like a do a lot in the day, I do not spend a lot of time with Jesus. There was a time I used to take hour long lunches and would often spend time with Jesus on at least part of that time, and then at least one of my breaks (usually the first). A while ago, someone even challenged me stating "I don't see you reading your Bible anymore". So not only I notice I am not spending time with Jesus, but others are as well.

Hypocrite

Even though I do not spend time with Jesus, I seem to find time to minister to others and "dispense" "wisdom" ... but right now, at this moment, I wonder if I should be doing that. I mean, where is it coming from? I don't think I could have stored it all up for rainy days. Do hypocrites do that? Probably.

So I find myself needing to ask, what mask am I putting on ... have I fallen back into a trap of being good in front of others because that's what I am supposed to do?

I think I know the answer. It is still in Jesus. Jesus still loves me and cares for me, and his Word even states that it doesn't come back void ... or how I put it ... "when we dispense the Word, it has affects in someway." I also know that I try to help with the right reasons, not to show off, but to really help. It just seems the right thing to do. But I get so busy doing things I need to do.

AHA! As I write this, I know exactly what needs to happen. Jesus was obviously busy and could easily have spent every waking (and sleeping moment) attending to the needs of others. But, even Jesus withdrew and spent time with the Father. Even when he was busy. I simply need to do it. I want to spend time with Jesus, but don't. Not because I don't need it, but simply because I do not purposefully plan a time and a place (like Jesus, he often would go alone somewhere, sometimes early in the morning). He also spent time developing others to further propel the ministry forward.

Ok, so first, I need to spend time with Jesus focused on him and away from distractions. Not focusing so much on an amount of time nor a certain study (another blog for that one), but just me and Jesus. Second, if there is anything that I am doing, that is not my own specific responsibility and someone else can do, can I train them to do it? I think this would be true for in the church as well as in the work. Not that I need to burden someone else with my stuff, but more like pay attention to the strengths that He has given me and operate in those, and then shore up my weaknesses with someone elses strength.